Grey's Anatomy Officially Sucks

There are few shows that are classified as "chick" shows that are socially acceptable for men to watch and enjoy...and up until this season, Grey's Anatomy was one of them. Unless you've been living under a rock, Grey's is consistently in the top of the ratings and along with Desperate Housewives (which sadly doesn't fall into the "okay for guys to watch" category) saved ABC from going under. However, Grey's is the perfect example of what happens when something so consistently good burns out.

I myself am a House guy. Granted the show is a bit formulaic, but I enjoyed the character so much that the medicine was kind of an added bonus. My sister and my best friend had been bugging me to start watching Grey's Anatomy, so I hesitantly put in season 1 and was instantly hooked. I watched the first 3 seasons in less than a week. Because of the rapid fire succession of episodes, it was easy to ignore and forgive the flaws and shortcomings of the show as I would stay up well into the night to hear what Meredith was going to whine about next or if Sandra Oh could possibly outdo herself and manage to look even uglier in the next outing. Despite the fact that I hated almost every character save for George and Burke, I was enthralled by the will they/won't they relationship of Derek and Meredith and the bizarre yet plausible medical cases that were brought into the hospital. I haven't met anybody that watches the show that wasn't blown away (no pun intended...fine, $%*! you it was intended) by the two-parter episode with the bomb. By the time season 4 rolled around I was now caught up and watching week to week as opposed to doing all nighter butt-numb-athons. I was initially a little weary of the double switch taking out Burke and bringing in Hahn (who went on to slaughter Sandra Oh in the unofficial "Who can be least sexiest" contest) and the failed George/Izzy relationship was a little jarring, but alas I stayed faithful. By the time the season ended, I was satisfied and ready for more.

Season 5 however, has been a slap in the face. The list of grievences are beyond atrotcious. The season is already halfway over and we've already been treated to such golden moments as:

• A group of interns performing surgeries on themselves for practice and getting hardly a slap on the wrist for it, which should get them discredited and jailed at the least.
• A painful lesbian relationship between the two manliest women on the show (Torres and Hahn) and abruptly ended just as it began (how GLAAD ever let that go is beyond me).
• Meredith, having finally decided to quit being a bitch and be with Derek now has mommy issues again...if it's not Derek, it's Mommy...I want her to get mugged or have a drug addiction or SOMETHING so if we have to hear her whine at LEAST it's about something new.
• The hard ass Dr. Bailey is now a shell of her former self. She used to be tough as nails...now she's a wad of cookie dough. It's a heated contest to see who will cry more this season, Bailey or Meredith.

And while all these offenses can be justified by apologists such as myself, there is one HEINOUS plot that is inexcusable. The ever irritating Izzy now sees her dead boy toy Denny and is having an affair with his ghost. Yep, you read that right. Sound familiar? Yeah, Bill Cosby in Ghost Dad. The number 1 scripted drama on ABC is stealing plot lines from early 90's Bill Cosby movies. Ever wondered what the term "jump the shark" meant? It means a great show started to suck some royal ass...and this is a prime example. I'll still watch Grey's...and if you watch it you'll probably still watch it too. But lets face it, the glory days are over. Izzy will be gone by the end of the season, T.R. Knight wants out of his contract, and if a major character can be axed before the end of the season, there's only one way to describe it...rats on a sinking ship.

Totally Useless: 10 Worst Sequels of All Time

This week's awesomely useless list celebrates the absolute abortion of cinema that is the horrible sequel.

10. Speed 2 - Speed isn't necessarily the greatest movie of all time, but for what it's worth it isn't that bad. Speed 2 however, is an asbolute turd. Any movie where one of the biggest subplots is rescuing a deaf kid from drowning in less than 3 feet of water is destined to be atrocious. You can't even reccomend it for comical value...it's that bad.
9. Son of the Mask - I'm pretty sure the meeting went something like this, "Hey guys, let's take a wildly successful movie, take out every bit that made it successful, add in the D-List PBS quality star that is Jamie Kennedy, and mix the two elements everybody loves, CGI talking babies and slapstick poop humor together and it'll be even BETTER than the original".
8. The Nutty Professor 2 - Again, like Speed, The Nutty Professor is far from being a cinematic gem, but for what it was it wasn't HORRIBLE. However, it was the movie where Eddie Murphy decided that he could play every single character...and thus the atrocity of Nutty Professor 2 was born. If you're the type of person who constantly sucks air through their teeth when they have a toothache just to feel the pain and make sure it still hurts, then you'll probably love the sado-masichistic thrill that is watching Nutty Professor 2.
7. Men in Black II - The first Men in Black was awesome because it was funny, but kick ass at the same time. Then the sequel came and it felt more like a direct-to-DVD movie. Rosario Dawson somehow managed to make herself look unattractive in this movie and was victim to such horrible dialogue exchanges as:

Rosario Dawson

A lot of people are sad when it rains.

Tommy Lee Jones

It rains because you're sad baby.

If the Shakespearean quality dialogue wasn't enough, it doesn't end there. This movie suffered from "Premature Trailer-Ejaculation" syndrome. They showed the same jokes over and over and over in the trailer and TV spots that by the time it came in the film I was already tired of it. Yes, I get it. The car driver was originally a black man but kept getting pulled over. It's funny because it's edgy...because black people get pulled over in nice cars....because they're black...and that's why the joke is funny...

6. 2 Fast 2 Furious - When the first movie came out, it was cool and different and you didn't really have to even file it under guilty pleasure because EVERYBODY liked it. Then the sequel came. Somehow, the main cop character who after going under cover lets Vin Diesel go at the end of the first movie avoids prosecution and jail time for aiding a fugitive if he goes undercover again...because CLEARLY he did such a bang up job the first time around. But of course, just to be sure the job is done efficiently, they team him up with his friend that just got out of prison for stealing cars and is on parole. All the bases covered? Nope! You forgot Ludacris, the pimp/illegal stolen parts shop owner who helps bring down the "bad guys". Who needs the armed forces when he have the G-Unit soldiers?

5. Die Hard 2: Die Harder - Let us imagine that the Die Hard movies are like your family. Die Hard 2 is like your cousin you only see once or twice a year. You are obligated by familial laws to love it. You don't have to like it, and you don't, but if it died in a car accident, you'd be kinda bummed...you know, that kind of love...that obligitory love. That's how I feel about Die Hard 2, which is showered in horriblly cheesey late 80's/early 90's set pieces and dialogue that makes Men in Black II look like Citizen Kane. The other sequels are no bed of roses either, but Die Hard 2 doesn't Die Hard at all...it just Sucks Hard.

4. Blade: Trinity - Blade and Blade II are two of the most kickass movies of all time. It was almost impossible to screw up...almost. So how did they achieve absolute sucktitude? How about reducing Blade to nothing more than a babysitter for Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds as they lollygagged around half-assed as if they were self aware of how much they actually sucked. However, this movie should be watched just to see the most awesomely bad product placement of all time. While fighting deadly vampires, Jessica Biel actually stops and puts on her iPod, because, you know, when you're fighting deadly creatures you should always make sure you can't hear them coming.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - The law of diminishing returns finally caught up with the Pirates franchise by the third one. This movie is like a fart after a hefty meal full of meat and alcohol. It smells so bad, but at the same time, you kinda circle around the fart and try to nab a whiff of it because, well, it's your brand dammit. The highlights of the movie are so few and so far between that by the 45 minute mark of this 3 hour epic crap fest, you don't even care anymore because everybody has backstabbed everybody at least 3 times already. I still have no idea what happened entirely. If I want to be confused watching a movie, I'll pop in the first Mission: Impossible.

2. Batman and Robin - It pains me to have to put a Batman movie in the worst list, but it was inevitable. This movie is so bad that George Clooney, the man who plays Batman, admits it is crap. This movie was a double edged sword...it was so bad that it killed the Batman series of films...on the other hand, it was so bad that it killed the series of films and forced them to start over with Batman Begins and the even more amazing Dark Knight. If only all other crappy movies could use their awfulness for good...

1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Jar Jar. 8 year old Anakin "accidently" blowing up the space station. Jar Jar. Confusing as hell politics that absolutely NOBODY cares about. Jar Jar. Darth Maul, the coolest looking villain in the Star Wars universe getting killed like a bitch without saying more than a few words. Did I mention Jar Jar?