Sitcom Paradoxes (PART TWO)

* Special thanks to my sister, Sammy Nat Shin for the brainstorming sessions for this blog post*

PART TWO

So now that you've had some time to wrap your head around part one, let's dive straight into part two...with more head scratching enigmas, and of course, and assload more of Urkel.

REMINDER: If under the OFFENDERS line you see that the show is highlighted green and you can click on it, that means that it is linked to a clip or more information about the episode in question

SCENARIO SIX: ANGELS AND DEMONS
Offenders: Full House (Evil & Good Michelle), Family Matters (Evil & Good Carl Winslow), Full House again (After Jessie finds out he's having twins we get Good & Evil Joey and Danny/Manny!)

No, don't adjust your TV set...there really is multiple versions of Carl Winslow on your TV. Somewhere in a room in the late 80's/early 90's, a group of writers decided that whenever a character had a major moral dilemma to think about an angel and a demon should appear on each shoulder to make sure the audience knew that the character in question was struggling with said dilemma. Now in 2009, writers have finally realized that it was a lame gimmick and it really isn't seen much anymore. However, it did give birth to the greatest character in Full House history...MANNY TANNER!

SCENARIO SEVEN: THE CAR THROUGH THE HOUSE
Offenders: Full House (Stephanie drives the car through the kitchen), Family Matters (Eddie drives the car through the living room)

I think it's no surprise that these shows were usually shot on a shoe string budget, so the thought of these episodes where a MAJOR SET PIECE was destroyed is beyond mind blowing to me. Now Stephanie's scenario is different. I see her getting into the car and accidentally driving it through much more plausible than Eddie's accident (although, I don't know ANYONE who leaves the keys to their car just sitting in the ignition...so either Joey is more retarded than we thought or this was common practice in the early 90's). See, while Stephanie has the luxury of being 8 years old and not old enough to even really reach the gas peddle, Eddie has no excuse. How unbelievably down syndrome do you have to be to ram a car through the front door of your house, which series continuity has shown has a mini flight of stairs in front of it leading from the street! You can't accidentally drive through that...in fact, it would be tough to even plan that kind of destruction. And to think...they let Eddie become a cop...

SCENARIO EIGHT: FILM NOIR EPISODES
Offenders: Family Matters (Steve's short story), Boy Meets World (Eric as a detective in the later seasons), I'm pretty sure Step by Step did one too with Cody

I can tolerate an assload of grievances in my beloved 90's sitcoms...but the episodes I just flat out refuse to watch are the film noir episodes. You know, the ones where they're 1930's-1940's crime detectives. Such a horrible, horrible gimmick that always made me want to stab my eyes out. It was always the same...weird protagonist (Eric, Urkel) is the detective solving murder who ends up to be the "hot girl" (and in the case of Family Matters I use that term loosely) who was the surprise killer (Laura, Topanga). Family Matters did an assload of these stupid episodes, one where Steve was a pirate (I just remember you could get 3D glasses at like Pizza Hut or Target or somewhere and then when the episode aired you could watch it in craptastic 3D) and also the episode where Steve and Carl were in the old west. That's how you know your show is going down the toilet, when you have to go back into different time periods to try and inject new life in to your show.

SCENARIO NINE: CHARACTERS ON GAME/TALK SHOWS
Offenders: Boy Meets World (Eric on the MTV's Singled Out), Boy Meets World again (the Quiz Show) Full House (Joey is the host of some love connection game), Family Matters (Waldo, Steve, and Eddie on a love connection game called Dudes), Family Matters again (Steve and Carl on American Gladiators), Family Matters yet again (Steve and Carl on Citizen's Court), Fresh Prince of Bel Air (The Banks family on Oprah)

Much like the presidential election thing I talked about last time, this seems like it would be another chance for the characters to realize they are themselves TV characters. That's the danger about putting a TV character on TV (which Boy Meets World later acknowledged when Eric was given a part on a show that strangely mirrored Boy Meets World). The one thing I've noticed is, if you want to be on TV, get to know the Winslow family. Not only do they seem to breeze past the screening process, but they end up on just about any show they want. I didn't even include when Carl was cast in a movie, the family was affiliated with the Buddy Goodrich show, or when they made their first prize music video. Amazing.

SCENARIO TEN: THE EPIC TRIP TO DISNEYWORLD
Offenders: Family Matters (Stefan proposes), Full House (Princess Michelle), Step by Step (J.T. Disney/Flash breaks the ride record), Boy Meets World (Cory sneaks away to join Topanga at Disneyworld)

Back when Disney bought ABC, all of the families of the TGIF universe strangely decided to visit Disneyworld all at about the same time. Now that's not the crazy part...the crazy part is that they couldn't just have normal vacations. They all had to have EPIC Disney experiences. First of all, I've been an avid Disneyland fan for years, and a secret (well I guess not anymore) ambition of mine has always been to be in the parade...but you have to be someone pretty damn special to even be considered...and yet, the Tanner family? Come on up! Winslow clan? Why the hell not?! Lamberts? Get your ass on up here! How the hell are they getting in these parades?! Not only that, Stefan proposes to Laura, and if I'm not mistaken, aren't they about 15 YEARS OLD?! Stefon's voice hasn't even fully changed yet! Is Disney promoting sexual conduct between clearly two minors?! Speaking of which, Cory and Shawn sleep overnight at Splash Mountain. Besides the homoerotic undertones, does the staff not check the ride at night? Is Disney just promoting incompetence? And Flash trying to break the world record for doing rides at Disneyworld, how the hell did management even get wind of that to give Mark a little command center? And what kind of record are you really breaking if they're letting you up to the front of the line? And for the love of God, the Indiana Jones stunt show shtick was ridiculous. We know...the boulder rolls down, he ducks under it, and stands up at the end unscathed...you don't have to do it for every show...and yes, we know...it's not Steve...so sit down and shut the hell up DJ.


That does it for Part II. Be sure to check back in a few days for Part III that includes even more 90's sitcom paradoxes!!!

- Billy