The Best and Worst of 2008: Part 2

Welcome back to part 2 of the 5 part analysis of the year that was 2008. Today focuses on the greatest and not so greatest reality shows and moments of 2008.


Best Reality Show of 2008 - The Apprentice: Celebrity Edition

His business savvy...unparalleled. His wealth...immeasurable. His hair...svelte. Donald Trump is the true definition of a renaissance man. After a few seasons of The Apprentice, the show started to get stale and the ratings were dropping. So how do you fix that? You bring in a team of C and D list celebrities and a bat s**t crazy Baldwin brother and you have arguably the greatest reality show of the year, if not all time. The highlight of the show by and far was Stephen Baldwin. His brand of crazy was so outrageous, his religious convictions so uninspired and forced, and his sayings so outlandish ("put a little Stevie B. cherry on it...delicious...") that you couldn't help but think that his drugged our brother Daniel on VH1's Celebrity Rehab seemed more fit for society. If anything, this show was a great preview of what to expect when Stephen Baldwin eventually goes to rehab (you KNOW it's going to happen). Dr. Drew must be in heaven...soon he'll be able to boast "Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab...4 out 5 Baldwin brothers recommend it!"

Most Shocking Reality Moment of 2008 - Aubrey and D. Woods Get Kicked Out of Danity Kane on Making the Band 4

Making the Band 4 is one of those shows where I would gladly turn in my man card if I had to do so in order to watch it. I hate hip-hop, but for some reason I'm entranced by this show. Diddy or Puffy or P. Duffy whatever the hell he is calling himself these days is an attention whore like none other, but give the devil his due, he knows how to make a reality show. In the season finale (which oddly, the last 2 episodes were the "finale", so for two weeks they said "next week on the season finale", which was either a mistake or a GENIUS plot to keep us watching) Diddy announced that Aubrey was a mega-bitch and was being kicked out of Danity Kane, at which time the mostly forgotten Judy Winslow of the group D. Woods decided to search for greener pastures as well. The most shocking of it all was the reunion a week later, where face to face-via-sattelite, Diddy pretty much told Aubrey she was STILL a bitch and STILL kicked out. Come on Diddy! No Bitch-Assness!

Best New Reality Show on MTV in 2008 - The Paper

I am a glutton for High school drama. The Paper is like a half hour version of American Teen. The greatest part of the show...Amanda, the editor. The thing that got me was, she was SO over the top that it surpassed her acting...but really, could anybody be THAT over the top? The mystery kept me coming back, as did the utter disdain the rest of the kids had for her. High School is brutal by nature, but it the jealousy of her former friend who she beat out for editor was Shakespearean. MTV is the pioneer of reality and trash TV, and I'm glad they stick to their guns with these shows that exploit America's youth.

Most Confusing Reality Show of 2008 - Real World/Road Rules: The Island

The great thing about the Real World/Road Rules challenges is that they require absolutely no brain power to process, and in that, they are entertaining. This season was different however, as they were dropped off on an island Survivor style and left to fend for themselves...except they were given food every week. There were no challenges this time...except there were if you got voted in to challenge. It was every man for himself...except for the alliances that formed. The goal was simple, get to the other island to win the money...except for the little part about winning a key to open a chest from the non-challenge challenges. Ok, so at least the games were fun to watch right? Sure...if you could ever figure out how exactly the games were suppsoed to be played. By the end they were so complex that I would just DVR the show and fast forward to see who would win and who got eliminated. Still, if they did an Island 2...I'd be there...because I'm a Viacom whore.

Best Reality Mini-Series of 2008 - The Baby Borrowers

Again, the teen drama...I just can't seem to pry myself away from it. I could really care less about the babies, I was just fascinated by how retarded the couples were. The best fight between the couples? The girl who's boyfriend told her she was overweight and shouldn't put so much syrup on her pancakes. My jaw literally dropped. This is what reality TV was made for!

Check back for Part 3 tomorrow...it'll be a doozy...

The Best and Worst of 2008: Part 1

So...it's 2009 and we can now objectively look back at the year that was 2008. It was the year an where an economy fell, a Dark Knight rose at the box office, and the nation was swept by one of the most historic and epic elections in the history of America. Oh yeah...we can't forget about Brett Michaels finding true love (for a few months at least), the Oceanic 6 and Ben moving the island, and of course the epic rise of Hannah Montana.


Over the next 5 days I will bring to you the Best and the Worst of 2008. So without further adieu, here is part 1 of the winners and losers of 2008.

Hottest Politician of 2008 - Sarah Palin

So she didn't win the election...but who cares?! Sarah Palin is a babe and I know I'm not alone on this one. Sure she's a crazy moose-shooting-Jurassic-Park-is-real lunatic, but again...who cares?! The only thing hotter than Sarah Palin...Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. Imagine the possibilities...

Worst PSA of 2008 - Hilary Duff Bashes Gays...kinda...sorta...ok not really...
Hilary Duff along with a few other celebrities were a part of the "Think Before You Speak" campaign that urged people to stop using the word "gay" in a derogatory manner (if you haven't seen the PSA in question, check it out here). First of all, I have been substituting the word "gay" for "stupid" since all the way back when Zack Morris was still using his brick cell phone. Everybody knows that if you think somebody is acting like a homosexual you call them "homo" and if you think somebody is acting stupid you call them "gay". Gay and Homo are completely different. Is it P.C.? Absolutely not, and I'm not trying to be overly offensive, I'm just stating what is basically common knowledge. Secondly, if I were to follow Hilary Duff around with a hidden camera for a day I'm sure I'd catch her saying it once or twice. It's just a part of modern American vernacular. Deal with it.



Musical Artist Who Pissed Me Off The Most in 2008 - Beyonce




Man Beyonce was annoying this year. My sister had told me about her new single "If I Was a Boy" and I thought she was kidding...until I heard it myself. "If I Was a Boy" is not only annoying, but it is factually incorrect. She fails to mention that if she were a boy, she'd need a regular prostate exam after she turned 50. She also neglects that fact that as a boy she would have to register for the draft on her 18th birthday. How can you write a song about being a boy and completely miss these important points? As if that wasn't bad enough, she announced that when she is performing, she is REALLY her alter ego Sasha Fierce and when she's just kickin around the house she's regular old Beyonce. Hey Sasha/Beyonce...here's a tip. How many times do you think Batman announced that he was Bruce Wayne? Did Clark Kent take out a full page ad saying "Hey, just FYI I'm Superman"? Point being, if you make up an alter ego that makes you look like more of a whacked out, psychotic, nut job that is fading from the public eye and is holding on for dear life...keep it to yourself.




Best Movie of 2008 That Wasn't The Dark Knight - American Teen

I can't really express in words how awesome this movie is. The kid in the middle of the poster with the hoodie on is Jake, and Jake is worth every penny it would cost you to rent or buy this movie. There are two things I thrive on when it comes to comedies and entertainment...I thrive on teen drama and awkward situations. Jake is like a How-To-Guide for both. After being dumped by a girl, he puts his acne-infested face on the table, looks at a grease smudge from his face and tells the girl "Look at all that grease...that's from my face" as she looks into the distance, wondering how much longer she has to suffer through the never ending awkwardness. I'm telling you people, this movie is so awesome that it has to be seen to be believed. Jake for President in 2012!

Best Movie That Nobody Saw in 2008 - Charlie Bartlett

In the the public eye, Iron Man will be remembered as the film that revived Robert Downey Jr's career, but a few months before Iron Man came (and just as quickly went) a little dramedy called Charlie Bartlett came around and to me and my friend Brian who went with me to see it signaled the return of RDJ. The only problem was, we were the only two people in the theater, and based upon it's box office performance, that was probably a common sighting. Anton Yelchin (Alpha Dog and the upcoming Star Trek movie) plays Charlie Bartlett, a Zack Morris type kid (I know I know, two Saved By the Bell references in one posting...I'm out of control) who acts as a therapist to the kids who pick on him at school. It's a pinch of Napoleon Dynamite, with a handful of Juno, and a sprinkle of Rushmore. I highly suggest you put this on your netflix que, and coupled with American Teen, you'll be in for one of the best Blockbuster Nights in the history of cinema.

Tomorrow we'll continue with Part 2 of the 5 Part series which focuses on the best and worst reality shows and moments of 2008. So if you're still trying to figure out the rules for the last RW/RR Challenge, take a break tomorrow and come back for the next installment.

Grey's Anatomy Officially Sucks

There are few shows that are classified as "chick" shows that are socially acceptable for men to watch and enjoy...and up until this season, Grey's Anatomy was one of them. Unless you've been living under a rock, Grey's is consistently in the top of the ratings and along with Desperate Housewives (which sadly doesn't fall into the "okay for guys to watch" category) saved ABC from going under. However, Grey's is the perfect example of what happens when something so consistently good burns out.

I myself am a House guy. Granted the show is a bit formulaic, but I enjoyed the character so much that the medicine was kind of an added bonus. My sister and my best friend had been bugging me to start watching Grey's Anatomy, so I hesitantly put in season 1 and was instantly hooked. I watched the first 3 seasons in less than a week. Because of the rapid fire succession of episodes, it was easy to ignore and forgive the flaws and shortcomings of the show as I would stay up well into the night to hear what Meredith was going to whine about next or if Sandra Oh could possibly outdo herself and manage to look even uglier in the next outing. Despite the fact that I hated almost every character save for George and Burke, I was enthralled by the will they/won't they relationship of Derek and Meredith and the bizarre yet plausible medical cases that were brought into the hospital. I haven't met anybody that watches the show that wasn't blown away (no pun intended...fine, $%*! you it was intended) by the two-parter episode with the bomb. By the time season 4 rolled around I was now caught up and watching week to week as opposed to doing all nighter butt-numb-athons. I was initially a little weary of the double switch taking out Burke and bringing in Hahn (who went on to slaughter Sandra Oh in the unofficial "Who can be least sexiest" contest) and the failed George/Izzy relationship was a little jarring, but alas I stayed faithful. By the time the season ended, I was satisfied and ready for more.

Season 5 however, has been a slap in the face. The list of grievences are beyond atrotcious. The season is already halfway over and we've already been treated to such golden moments as:

• A group of interns performing surgeries on themselves for practice and getting hardly a slap on the wrist for it, which should get them discredited and jailed at the least.
• A painful lesbian relationship between the two manliest women on the show (Torres and Hahn) and abruptly ended just as it began (how GLAAD ever let that go is beyond me).
• Meredith, having finally decided to quit being a bitch and be with Derek now has mommy issues again...if it's not Derek, it's Mommy...I want her to get mugged or have a drug addiction or SOMETHING so if we have to hear her whine at LEAST it's about something new.
• The hard ass Dr. Bailey is now a shell of her former self. She used to be tough as nails...now she's a wad of cookie dough. It's a heated contest to see who will cry more this season, Bailey or Meredith.

And while all these offenses can be justified by apologists such as myself, there is one HEINOUS plot that is inexcusable. The ever irritating Izzy now sees her dead boy toy Denny and is having an affair with his ghost. Yep, you read that right. Sound familiar? Yeah, Bill Cosby in Ghost Dad. The number 1 scripted drama on ABC is stealing plot lines from early 90's Bill Cosby movies. Ever wondered what the term "jump the shark" meant? It means a great show started to suck some royal ass...and this is a prime example. I'll still watch Grey's...and if you watch it you'll probably still watch it too. But lets face it, the glory days are over. Izzy will be gone by the end of the season, T.R. Knight wants out of his contract, and if a major character can be axed before the end of the season, there's only one way to describe it...rats on a sinking ship.

Totally Useless: 10 Worst Sequels of All Time

This week's awesomely useless list celebrates the absolute abortion of cinema that is the horrible sequel.

10. Speed 2 - Speed isn't necessarily the greatest movie of all time, but for what it's worth it isn't that bad. Speed 2 however, is an asbolute turd. Any movie where one of the biggest subplots is rescuing a deaf kid from drowning in less than 3 feet of water is destined to be atrocious. You can't even reccomend it for comical value...it's that bad.
9. Son of the Mask - I'm pretty sure the meeting went something like this, "Hey guys, let's take a wildly successful movie, take out every bit that made it successful, add in the D-List PBS quality star that is Jamie Kennedy, and mix the two elements everybody loves, CGI talking babies and slapstick poop humor together and it'll be even BETTER than the original".
8. The Nutty Professor 2 - Again, like Speed, The Nutty Professor is far from being a cinematic gem, but for what it was it wasn't HORRIBLE. However, it was the movie where Eddie Murphy decided that he could play every single character...and thus the atrocity of Nutty Professor 2 was born. If you're the type of person who constantly sucks air through their teeth when they have a toothache just to feel the pain and make sure it still hurts, then you'll probably love the sado-masichistic thrill that is watching Nutty Professor 2.
7. Men in Black II - The first Men in Black was awesome because it was funny, but kick ass at the same time. Then the sequel came and it felt more like a direct-to-DVD movie. Rosario Dawson somehow managed to make herself look unattractive in this movie and was victim to such horrible dialogue exchanges as:

Rosario Dawson

A lot of people are sad when it rains.

Tommy Lee Jones

It rains because you're sad baby.

If the Shakespearean quality dialogue wasn't enough, it doesn't end there. This movie suffered from "Premature Trailer-Ejaculation" syndrome. They showed the same jokes over and over and over in the trailer and TV spots that by the time it came in the film I was already tired of it. Yes, I get it. The car driver was originally a black man but kept getting pulled over. It's funny because it's edgy...because black people get pulled over in nice cars....because they're black...and that's why the joke is funny...

6. 2 Fast 2 Furious - When the first movie came out, it was cool and different and you didn't really have to even file it under guilty pleasure because EVERYBODY liked it. Then the sequel came. Somehow, the main cop character who after going under cover lets Vin Diesel go at the end of the first movie avoids prosecution and jail time for aiding a fugitive if he goes undercover again...because CLEARLY he did such a bang up job the first time around. But of course, just to be sure the job is done efficiently, they team him up with his friend that just got out of prison for stealing cars and is on parole. All the bases covered? Nope! You forgot Ludacris, the pimp/illegal stolen parts shop owner who helps bring down the "bad guys". Who needs the armed forces when he have the G-Unit soldiers?

5. Die Hard 2: Die Harder - Let us imagine that the Die Hard movies are like your family. Die Hard 2 is like your cousin you only see once or twice a year. You are obligated by familial laws to love it. You don't have to like it, and you don't, but if it died in a car accident, you'd be kinda bummed...you know, that kind of love...that obligitory love. That's how I feel about Die Hard 2, which is showered in horriblly cheesey late 80's/early 90's set pieces and dialogue that makes Men in Black II look like Citizen Kane. The other sequels are no bed of roses either, but Die Hard 2 doesn't Die Hard at all...it just Sucks Hard.

4. Blade: Trinity - Blade and Blade II are two of the most kickass movies of all time. It was almost impossible to screw up...almost. So how did they achieve absolute sucktitude? How about reducing Blade to nothing more than a babysitter for Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds as they lollygagged around half-assed as if they were self aware of how much they actually sucked. However, this movie should be watched just to see the most awesomely bad product placement of all time. While fighting deadly vampires, Jessica Biel actually stops and puts on her iPod, because, you know, when you're fighting deadly creatures you should always make sure you can't hear them coming.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - The law of diminishing returns finally caught up with the Pirates franchise by the third one. This movie is like a fart after a hefty meal full of meat and alcohol. It smells so bad, but at the same time, you kinda circle around the fart and try to nab a whiff of it because, well, it's your brand dammit. The highlights of the movie are so few and so far between that by the 45 minute mark of this 3 hour epic crap fest, you don't even care anymore because everybody has backstabbed everybody at least 3 times already. I still have no idea what happened entirely. If I want to be confused watching a movie, I'll pop in the first Mission: Impossible.

2. Batman and Robin - It pains me to have to put a Batman movie in the worst list, but it was inevitable. This movie is so bad that George Clooney, the man who plays Batman, admits it is crap. This movie was a double edged sword...it was so bad that it killed the Batman series of films...on the other hand, it was so bad that it killed the series of films and forced them to start over with Batman Begins and the even more amazing Dark Knight. If only all other crappy movies could use their awfulness for good...

1. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Jar Jar. 8 year old Anakin "accidently" blowing up the space station. Jar Jar. Confusing as hell politics that absolutely NOBODY cares about. Jar Jar. Darth Maul, the coolest looking villain in the Star Wars universe getting killed like a bitch without saying more than a few words. Did I mention Jar Jar?